I AM ALIVE.

I know, most of you are shocked. Relieved. Perhaps even angry I’ve been away for so long.

Why haven’t I returned any of your messages? I’m sure you’ve been worried sick!

And for the few of you that this might apply to – I truly am sorry for disappearing off the radar without so much of as a word (and only the occasional tweet – blasphemous at best). For the rest of you who know me outside the world of the internet then you are already aware that I am incredibly lazy. Absence explained.

Terrible excuse, I know. But honesty is always the best policy. Of course, unless it is a situation in which it is not…

Example: When you go over to visit your sweet, old grandparents (who greet you not with a hello but rather “why you’re looking rather skinny!”) and they put on the Treehouse network because apparently they still believe you are three years old instead of twenty having seemingly misplaced seventeen years of your life despite discussing your moving to a foreign country to work. In which case, you cannot tell your beloved grandparents who have carefully selected this programing just for you and are attempting to engage with you about some children’s music video with dancing with a duck (“what a funny duck…”), and insult them by saying you would rather watch the terrible Demi Moore film that was on when you entered the apartment (how did things go so wrong Demi?). Rather you must casually bring up how you haven’t watched these kinds of shows since you stopped babysitting (where you were responsible for the care of actual children by other adults) in hopes you may jog their memories. When this does not happen, you pretend not to be horrified by the Teletubbies and continue to chat about your plans after finishing your degree because you love them… and they are old.

As a side note, I am going to be the whiniest old lady ever.

Anyway, this is my last semester of university. This is my last seven months living in this country. And its high time I go back to the regular practice of writing – especially when one hopes to be an actual writer.

So expect blogs on a regular to semi-regular basis. Feel free to leave harassing messages telling me to get off tumblr and write something (including my essays, assignments, etc. because I’ve filled out the graduation application already and have the illusion that I’m already free) when this doesn’t seem to be happening.

In return, I hope we can go back to semi-entertaining, funny observations on life, reviews, and sharing of the magical, never-ending amusement of the internet. I know it can’t be the same – but hopefully this time it will be better.

It wasn’t you. It was me.

Incidentally, I just bought a book by a British comedian of a similar title. I also haven’t bought any of my textbooks yet. I also bought the first three seasons of Parks and Recreations instead of doing my seminar readings.

Life is filled with coincidences.

Catch ya on the flip side!

PS. I said that to someone today. I have never received such a perplexing look before other than the time I felt like I could wear a tube top (I could not) and walked around for a solid hour at work with my bra hanging out. The tragedies of shirts without straps… Shockingly I was not fired.

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